Why T/A/D

I tell people I’m an artist; it’s my latest label. But really it’s just a facade. Beyond the title, I don’t have much to show for it and, in truth, I actually feel a bit of a fraud when I call myself that.

Being an ‘artist’ means big things to me. It means knowing who you are and what you stand for creatively. It means having courage and fearlessness in the face of doubt and uncertainty. It means having faith in one’s own ability and the inner impulses which drive a greater creative vision without.

At present, I don’t have any of those things. What I do know is that painting, or at least, being creatively expressed, feels right. It feels like that’s what is wanting to unfold through me, only I keep getting stuck and feeling perpetually lost with it all. It’s like I want to create and express myself only my hands are tied behind my back.

Who am I as an artist? What is it that I’m trying to say? What is it that I’m wanting to express? Or rather, what is it that is wanting to be expressed through me?

These are the questions I’m grappling with and that are driving my creative exploration right now. I decided to set up The Artist Diaries as a space in which to record my experiences, insights and inspirations.

It does me well to have some kind of structure or parameters to work with, and that applies to being creative too. By recording my goings on here, I’m more likely to try new things. As an extra bonus, this will give me space away from the art materials to think and mull things over, rather than staring at a blank canvas (or, equally, one that I have spectacularly destroyed) hoping to find some answers there.

Here’s to greater self-expression!

 

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Amy L Sauder says:

    Beautifully said! I think all artists struggle with the ideal of an artist versus the reality of an artist.

    We think artists should know who they are and people should know them, they should live off their art, have some amount of clout. But then we struggle with feeling we’re never good enough, have a dayjob, and/or fly under the radar, and we wonder if we’ll ever live up to it.

    It’s all a facade though – the real artists are those who create regardless of where they’re at in the spectrum of confidence, fame, or skill. We just keep creating and keep growing in our artistry 🙂 We’ll never make it, because no one ever feels they’ve made it and we all always can improve. And that’s part of the beauty of the artistic experience I think ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your wonderful words, Amy. I couldn’t have said it better myself! What a relief to know we’re not alone in feeling uncertain and doubtful at times, and that creativity is available to all of us in an endless supply. Your words have really uplifted me, thank you 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Amy L Sauder says:

    Glad it was encouraging! Your post was a great snapshot of the artist’s struggle. Totally relatable 🙂

    Like

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